Joe Controls Hollywood, Joe Controls Your Brain

Four words: Big Momma's House 2

What's amazing is not that Hollywood can release this movie to a nation of limpid, placid watchers, who do NOT take up arms, find the producer, and ensure that they are never assaulted in this way again.

No, we all know that Joe is running Hollywood, and we all know that Joe is trying his best to hurt us.

What's amazing is that some of you -- you know who you are -- will actually spend your hard-earned money to watch this celluloid turd. Worse! You will leave the protection of your house, you will get into your SUVs, you will burn up dead dinosaurs (at $2.00 a gallon!), and you will drive -- many of you long distances -- for the privilege of paying $8-$12 (plus $6 popcorn and $4 coke) to have your eyes slowly dimmed, your ears slowly deafened, and your brain slowly dissolved by this minion of Joe, this loudmouthed transvestite "African-American" "comic," Martin Lawrence.

Did I mention this is a sequel? Yes, you know what you're getting into. You've been warned. You've been through this ordeal once before. And yet you go to the theater, and out of the eight, or ten, or twelve, or fifteen choices, you choose to see this atrocity. And then you go home and preorder the DVD on Amazon.

Why? Why? I'll tell you why. Joe controls your brain. We ask you questions like, "How did you like the film?" and your eyes glaze over as the y-rays Joe beam into your skull take control. And you say things, horrible things, things that you would never say, otherwise. Like "Oh, it wasn't THAT bad." or "It was funny, in spots." or "I laughed my ass off. That was the best movie ever."

Joe controls Hollywood, Joe controls your brain.

Those of us who are still free have a responsibility to humanity. When you meet a person whose brain is being controlled by Joe (you can find them in line to see Momma's House 2 ,) try to break the spell by hitting them with something heavy.

Like your car.